New Year, New Plans, New self.
But I feel a little lost. Everyone's writing out their new year's resolution for 2016, but I'm just sitting here not too sure of what to anticipate of the brand new year,
I could try writing one out , but it might eventually get shoved into the massive stacks of papers on my desk that I haven't yet gotten the chance to sort out.
Forget the excuses. The truth is I haven't picked up the art of writing a good new year's resolution. I would probably tell myself to be fitter,eat healthier, socialize more, study harder and have a better mindset. But, when it descends to the end of the year, how many of those can I actually tick off? how many of those will continued to be transferred off to the next new year resolution list?
How much fitter do I have to be ? How much socializing do I have to do? How hard should I study?
For them to all be ticked off as done ✓ ✓ ✓
My resolutions are always so obscure and not specific enough. Instead of telling myself to " be fitter", I could have written " go to the gym at least twice a week". But I refuse to, because I have those uncertainties. I have no confidence to whether I'll persevere with my resolutions even before it has all even started.
So I guess, that's something I have to change. I need to be able to self regulate .Wait a couple of months of a year and I promise I'll write myself a proper goals list.
Which brings me to my thoughts last night while I celebrated the humble little countdown to new years and stuffing my face with pizza.
A good friend of mine was asking me over message how I normally celebrated New Years, and I hesitated longer than I should have before telling her that watching fireworks was probably the only that thing I did.
Have I really forgotten what I've done on this day over the past years of my life?
I went back to a previous blog post I had written on the last day of 2014. Reading it now, I sense the slightest emotional disturbance in myself during that period of time. The end of 2014 marked the move from Australia to Malaysia and I obviously wasn't too happy about spending New years 2,947 miles away from my friends.
The following is a small section I've copied over from that post
"But for what I know... on new years eve, I'll be missing this special group of people. They are miles away from me, but so so close to my heart. 2015 will be a challenge. But it will be a challenge that can be conquered. ”
Haha what hilarious positivity I had then, probably not so honest. But anyways, I did say 2015 would be a challenge. Looking back at it now, it really was.
Another good friend of mine also mentioned something along the lines of ," A year is a long enough time to see how someone has changed". And although I wouldn't like to admit it, I have changed. If you asked me to draw Venn diagram and label the circles " myself in 2014" and " myself in 2015", I bet I could fill it all up with differences. The manner in which I look at people and the type person I wish for people to perceive me as has also changed. So many changes have happened over 2015, and talking about it now is like a pang in the face.
But the little overlapping oval will also be filled up. Because some things I will never be able to change.
- I will forever find entertainment in putting teachers' faces in jib jab videos and will keep the little promises I made with you.
- I will not forget our walks back home and how happy I was the day it was announced that you got the SRC position.
- I will still look back the times fooling around in French class with you and having so much of a laugh causing great disturbance to Sherbert.
- I will still miss heading off early to the music rooms every morning to listen to your musical talents and then head off for lunch together in the afternoon.
- I will never forget you always giving me tremendous emotional support and always being the " overly concerned " friend ;) .
- I will laugh so hard at the time we secretly swapped shows in the cinema because we were too afraid to watch the horror movie we bought tickets for;)
- I will forever reminisce the times you and I spent walking around Orchard roads and ending up in a glass elevator headed to an unknown location with a freaky stranger. ( I was scared to bits)
- I will always laugh thinking of your silly little trouble making tactics your creation of orange. (Trust me, it will live on forever).
- I will forever hate you for being such a rude little ruckus all the time.
- I will continue to master the art of making fun, so I will eventually get you back in your crude jokes one day ;)
- I will forever be your friend, even though I secretly think I treat you slightly better than you treat me :p
I hope ya'll guess which of these is you ♥
Actually, I really haven't changed that much, have I? ;)
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. Hope 2016 will bring crazy colors and fun into your life.
I'm back, hopefully I won't let myself take such a big break again.
Written with love,